‘i feel strongly about protecting my ability, enthusiasm, energy and desire to continue making music, and it seems, as with every walk of life, there are a lot of forces constantly acting against you to make you feel like it might be easier and better to stop. it’s a regular checks and balance system, when things do seem stupid or futile or wrong, there’s a need to not necessarily get claustrophobic, but to decide, ok, this just means turn left or turn right. just because you’re not moving straight, it doesn’t mean you’re not progressing.’ - Will Oldham

i’ve had this quote taped to my wall for ages now. but recently i’ve been thinking about it a lot. i’ve been writing a piece reflecting on myself as both a writer and a reader, and i think that; spending time considering this duality has led me to question exactly what it is i need to protect in order to continue writing, and writing well.

throughout my life i’ve turned left and right many times, i’ve never been one for straight lines and i’ve always seen this as a bit of a failing before. whereas now i think that my inability to sit still or to keep my mind in the one place for very long has actually turned out to be one of my strengths as a writer. it certainly has been key to my development, it is an integral part of who i am and where i write from. and it’s also shaped my belief system to a certain extent i guess, i’ve come to realise that life is additive, it can be easy, and tempting at times, to try and simplify it, and see it as a series of endings and beginnings when in actual fact life seems to me to be additive. it’s a long series of parallel continuations and sure things change, but endings are hard to come by. as are beginnings, always we carry something with us. and this is a good thing. i think this seeing life in this way allows me to write in the way i do. i don’t like structuring my work around a beginning, middle and end, instead i like zooming in and writing a kind of snapshot of a moment. trying in some way to capture something that is common to all of us. when i read i like recognising something that i have seen or felt or experienced, and it is this that i aim to recreate when i write.

i like the idea too that he throws in when he refers to creativity as a regular checks and balances system. what works one day might not work the next, as people we are continually learning, growing and developing, and so should the methods we use to create. it isn’t any use to say i’m a writer or a musician or an artist, it’s a constant case of becoming, and i’ve not always realised this enough in the past, that it’s work, and hard work at that, there is no magic formula. in a sense it is a little bit like recovery, it’s learning to manage a behaviour, and to adapt that management as life changes.

central to the enablement of all of this is the protection of the inner self. i think that at heart i am quite a private person, and it has taken me a long time to realise that this needs to be protected if i am to write. of course writing has to come from somewhere, and yes, to a certain extent writing is autobiographical, but at the same time that doesn’t mean it has to be revealing. experience can be drawn upon whilst still remaining implicit. i think it is important to be as close to your core self as possible during the writing process. this means taking the time to learn who you really are, to be selfish in a way and to prioritise whatever it is that you’re seeking to create. it might mean that you end up with a life that doesn’t always make sense to people looking in and it might mean that there are several facets of that life that you value and love and seek to protect because all of these combine to make you who you are and enable you to create what is uniquely yours. all of that is fine, so long as you’re being true to whatever it is that drives you to create, and to exist and essentially to make sense of the world.